19th- 20th Feb – Halong Bay

I’m escaping the cold and heading off to the coast where I’ve been told it’s warmer and the scenery is beautiful so I expect turquoise waters, lush green mountains and sunshine – just like the brochures. There are a dozen people on the tour mostly from Ireland so should be a bit of a laugh. The weather doesn’t get any better as we head towards the coast, my choice of clothing seems inappropriate – the bikinki certainly won’t see an outing.

The boat is lovely, a traditional wooden junk with a sail but I doubt it will see the light of day. My room is en-suite and is quite palatial but there is no heating, thankfully there are two big blankets on the bed which will make a nice dress!

Lunch was a riot with the veggies being marched to a separate table, couldn’t possibly sit with the meat eaters. The first dish was spring rolls, we were obviously given the veggie ones, only to be told vegetable with pork, jut a little bit of pork. Well that’s OK then. Next dish for the veggie table – fish, don’t think they quite understand the concept of vegetarianism. Next dish beef – for Gods sake. We are all so hungry waiting for something to eat we put the rice and peanuts into our sad little dishes, cover it in soy sauce and pretend to be eating a Vietnamese feast. After almost everybody has finished their food, we are given noodles with veg and no sign of meat – halleluiah.

The boat motored out into the bay, slowly, I could have swam faster – although I may have froze to death. I could imagine the area bathed in sunlight the sea turquoise, the pointy lime stone stacks gleaming with bright green vegetation. What I was actually seeing was grey sea, grey stacks and grey vegetation. We stopped at a cave which was huge but over touristy with many coloured lights highlighting the various stalactite and stalagmite shapes trying to get us to believe they are Buddist Gods – stretching the imagination a bit too far there.

A few incumbents of the boat, braved the water and took to kayaks – I stayed in the cold of the unheated boat wrapped in both my blankets.

Dinner was a laugh we were brought a dish of veg with what looked like prawns – we declined only to be told they were not prawns they were vegetables. I’ve never seen a white veg in the shape of a prawn down to the pink vein down the prawns back. After much arguing with the guide I shouted at him to take it away which he did. The meat eating table took the pseudo prawns and couldn’t decide what they were.

After dinner with a nice bottle of Vietnamese wine (yes they make it here) the guide came in with a plastic bag – the packaging from the prawns. The ingredients soya and flavourings – ok – I felt bad but why didn’t he bring the packaging an hour ago and stop all the arguments – not my fault!

The next day was spent motoring back to the docks and driving back to Hanoi – at least the hotel will have heating.